The Solitude.

     I just sing to myself and watch her. Listen to this song and sing it as terribly as I possibly can. I sing really horribly, really I do. I really wish that I could sing better, or at least a bit decently. At night when I first started, all words escaped me. Now in the light I can see, though and her tail is wrapped around her feet. Her tongue is rough and little and her eyes are wide. She dreams of outside yet it seems that of her dreams, she is frightened. I too am terrified of my dreams, for in them I end you and in them I get what I want. I am scared, though, that I don't deserve what I want and because of that will not end up happy. I fear that the worst that can happen to me, will happen to me. Every time I fly I pray for a mid-air collision. Whenever I drive beside oncoming traffic, I dream of a car losing control and hitting me. Hard. And I dream of my death and the peace that it will bring me. I'm tired of dreaming, maybe that's what that is. No, that can't be what it is. Maybe it's because I miss you, or maybe it's because I've had too much of you. . . I can't decide which it is. Hold me, you're here and then you're gone, love, like a dream && like a sigh. Tell me you're hearing every word now, like a song love, like a song.

     Don't cry, Don't cry. This is a happy moment, and I'm glad that you have it, even without me. For I am here, not looking, cringing, sighing. Slapping myself for not putting myself in the position to be there with you. No one's got it all. This is an absolute truth in my mind. It is a law of the world and no matter how hard you try to look, you can't find someone who has got it all. I know you think that you might be that person, and I know that you might think that you know that person but you must not know this law. Look, dig deeper and find what it is that you or this person does not have. You will find something, I promise. I am alone. I am alone. there is no one that I can talk to you, much less you. You told me that you had to go and that we could not be friends. I wouldn't mind your voice if you would make up your damn mind, Jane. In fact, I would love it. I love it. Just stop. Start over and forget about what just happened, and you won't hurt me.

     No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I keep a wolf at my door,
but he calls me up, calls me on the phone
tells me all the ways that he's gonna mess me up
steal all my children if I don't pay the ransom, and
I'll never see them again if I squeal to the cops.