The Measure.

     A quick glance to the right and I see the true measure of what I've done.
The true measure of what you'd said and the truth that it held.
I'm sick, and I can't help but want to just sit here and sulk.
I've got work to do, though, and now that you're out I'm supposed to be able to do it.
I don't know, though, if I can. I've too much on my mind and you're not around for me to spill.
To talk and chat and poke fun. I miss what we had that was good, who wouldn't? Sad to say, though, that I very excitedly dismiss the bad with much more enthusiasm than I miss the good and if that made any sense at all, I'm glad you might understand now.
It seems to me however, that you never will understand what it is that I really mean when I say the words that I say. I speak truth and I mean understanding, but you always seem to hear lies and confusion.

     I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight, Monica is the worst sleeping partner, she doesn't comfort me at all. She just lays there like a beached whale. Honestly, laying in bed for those ten minutes before I got that phone call were the worst minutes of my life. Not even Felicity hurt me this badly. I haven't changed my opinion of her, nor have I exacted indifference for you, but I just don't understand why you did that.
I can't believe how much, still, it hurts. I can't even begin to fathom what would be happening right now if I was completely alone. I'm sorry, I suppose, for what I made you believe that I did to you. I still regret nothing, but there's no way I'd do any of it again.

     I listened as she spilled her heart. She does not make me sorry. Now I know, though, that she never listened. All that she said about me and about what she thought that I meant, was exactly the opposite of what I told her.

     And now it's rough, and I can't believe I once considered that to be o.k. I guess this is the only way I will be able to advance, though. I won't let anyone know anything from here on out, and when I break down at night, I won't even bother to think twice about you.